Before I signed up for our local tennis league I was warned that “some people” can be a little snotty. Everyone who gave me this warning was careful to quickly follow it up with, “Oh, not anyone I’ve ever played against, just in general there are snotty people out there!”
And I can quite truthfully say that I played the winter season on my ladies 40+ team and everyone was really cool. The local team is fabulous, and our opponents were all very down to earth and pleasant.
So I was almost excited to personally encounter a full fledged bitch today. When people talk about how “some people” can be snotty, I forever will have a story to whip out about meeting this previously mythical snotty person in the flesh.
So here’s what happened.
I should preface this story with telling you that Scott brought back a cute little mini bottle of Fiji water from somewhere. It was probably a hotel or airport lounge, or it might have a been a conference. Anyway, what’s important is that adorable, delicious looking bottle of Fiji water sat on his nightstand for three months. Every time I walked past I considered taking it, but didn’t. Scott was obviously saving it for some type of special occasion.
Scott was out of town this week and I knew I had tennis in the morning. I figured three months is three months, he’s never going to drink this cute little water, so I brought it downstairs and set it on the kitchen counter next to my tennis snacks for the morning. Each kid who walked past wanted that water but of course I defended it. (With the effective white lie, “That’s DAD’S water! Don’t take it!)
This morning I drove out to Upland, a city nestled in the foothills of the San Bernardino Mountains, for our early morning match. We’ve played the Upland ladies many times before and they are always lovely. My opponent today was no exception. We chuckled. We bantered a bit. We had a generally good time.
A few minutes into our game, though, I realized I’d forgotten my water in the car. (Yes, the adorable little mini Fiji.) The Upland Tennis Club has water coolers beside the courts, but today, they were empty, and our assigned court was far from the parking lot and clubhouse.
On a table next to the water cooler, however, was a plastic banquet style pitcher filled with water. On the court next to us, another women’s league was playing, and the lady I like to call “Water Bitch” was standing, watching her fellow Upland Tennis Club friends play the Riverside Victoria Club team.
She saw me walk over to the cooler, grab a cup, and try the cooler. Nothing came out. She saw me look at the pitcher of water on the table. Finally I asked, “May I have some of this water?”
She looked at me, looked up at the sky and sighed, then said, “I guess you can have some if you don’t take too much.”
Now I was really confused. Does WB have a wry sense of humor with deadpan delivery? Because that sounds like something someone might say as a joke, not something a host would say to the guests they are welcoming in for a fun day of recreational ladies tennis.
Also ironic: a few minutes before this interaction, I actually had been worrying about having to drink tap water, because in general I’m very skeptical of it, and when we lived in Riverside for nine years I grew very scared of drinking that crappy water, and how Upland just seems like a place where the water would be suspect. And I had an adorable, teeny little bottle of water that flew on a plane all the way from Fiji sitting right there in my car.
So as I absorb this woman’s, “I guess you can have some if you don’t take too much,” (with one of those teeny little paper cups that fits in the side of a water cooler; seriously, is this lady insane?), I start to say, “Oh, don’t worry, I don’t ever drink much because I hate to feel it sloshing in my stomach,” but I only got to “I don’t ever…” when she SHUSHED ME. As if I was speaking too much, or too loudly?
Deep, calming breaths. Deep calming breaths. Keep it classy. No water? For your guests?
Come to Temecula and sure, we don’t always have unlocked bathrooms, but that’s out of our control. You know what’s IN our control? Gatorade. Thirsty? We can offer you blue Gatorade, or red, or sugar free. You want water? We don’t have a cloudy plastic pitcher of water. We have bottles of water in a nice cooler that you can use to wash down orange slices, or watermelon, or a handful of delicious salty snacks. We keep it classy.
I walked to my car. I came back and gave Water Bitch a “cheers!” motion with my cute little Fiji bottle which, let me tell you, was absolutely delicious.
I won my first set but lost the second 0-6 because I was composing snarky Facebook posts about Water Bitch in my head. (Maybe she did it on purpose, like psychological warfare! And I totally played into her hands.)
But then I won the third set and our team won the match overall. So take that, Water Bitch!